The Rage Cage

(5 min read)

 

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Let’s talk about rage. Actually, let’s first think about rage. Take a couple of minutes and think about how you experience and perceive rage. What memories and feelings arise when you hear the word? The last time you felt it, what had happened to make you feel that way?  What are the things that make the fire of rage flare up inside you in just a heartbeat? Are you someone who gets angry easily or are you more of the laid-back type? And are you really what you just answered to my last question? Sometimes we would like to be something we are not, especially if it involves something like rage that usually has negative connotations.

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Think a bit more...

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Rage can be many things. I would say that rage in all its intensity and expressions is as personal as love. Everybody experiences it in a different way and connects unique memories to this emotional state. All those expressions, however, have one important thing in common: They are your responsibility. You are the one producing this fire and force inside your head and body and you have to deal with it. Do you? I would like you to think about that for a minute as well.

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Think a bit more...

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Ready for the next thought? Great.

Imagine that every time you get triggered you are automatically thrown into a Rage Cage. Your Rage Cage is the product of your unique personality combined with your upbringing and life experiences. In some cultures, rage is more acceptable than in others and even in any one culture you’ll find differences, depending on character and family dynamics.

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Your Rage Cage can be any size you want, depending on how much you move when you are angry. And some heavy bars or a fine net will keep you inside. Some people are what we call “explosive”. There is no mistaking that they are angry and they let everybody see and hear their rage. Those people would have heavy bars on their cages through which they can look outside and interact with whoever is there. The opposite would be those who don’t show a sign of anger on the outside but are smouldering on the inside and keep everything to themselves. They’d have a fine net that shuts them off from the outside world. And then there are all the variations in between. I invite you to take a moment and consider this. What are you like? And what are those close to you or maybe those you work with like?

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The Rage Cage does have a door for sure, but it doesn’t open as long as there is noise and movement inside the cage. So while you are full of rage you are stuck inside. Imagine that everything you think, say or feel in this emotional state is an object that you throw around forcefully. If your cage has big bars with some space in between, the Rage Rubble will hit the bars, break, bounce back or even slip through and hit those people who are unfortunate enough to be close enough. Their reaction might be the same as yours and they’ll jump into their Rage Cage and start throwing Rage Rubble back at you or they might shrug it off and continue on their way, or it might stick to their hair and clothes and they will carry your stuff around for a while until they find a way to get rid of it. The bad news is that some people are willing to use your Rage Rubble to their advantage and against you, which you probably want to avoid. And then there are those who master the fine art of standing strong next to Rage Cages, catching the Rage Rubble, inspecting it closely in order to use it to help the trapped person calm down enough for the door to unlock. Once that happens, the cage is nearly empty and whatever Rubble is left on either side is incomplete, spread all over the place or has been swept away by gusts of wind. It won’t make much sense anymore.

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If your cage has a fine net, however, the situation is very different. You are furiously throwing stuff around in your cage just like the other one, but this is barely visible from the outside. Maybe some tiny pieces will tumble out through the holes and make passers-by wonder, but there won’t be any real reaction and no help either. You are buried by your own Rage Rubble all around and above you. And when you have finally found a way to calm down, it will still take quite a while to make your way to the door. It’s like being in a gigantic ball pit and not so sure of where the exit is.

 

Whatever Rage Cage you have, it is a difficult situation to deal with. So here is my proposal. A little thought experiment:

Imagine you have been observing yourself for a while and get better at reading your very own signs of upcoming anger. So instead of being thrown into the Rage Cage you can decide to take control and stay on the outside looking in. But now it is a cage with three firm walls and just one open side. This is where you stand and rage. All the Rage Rubble is now directed towards the inside and piling up there without hitting anyone or overwhelming yourself. You do this until you feel a calming emptiness overcome you. 

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I am someone who deals with anger on the inside so talking it through with someone or writing is the best choice for me. If, however, you need physical relief, going for a walk or run all by yourself, hitting some pillows or shouting in wide open spaces may be a better idea. There are many ways to do this and, in the end, it depends on what works best for you. But stay with it and observe, whatever your choice is. Because then, either immediately or after some time has passed, you have the chance to go back to your Rage Cage and sort through everything you find inside. Nothing is lost, carried away by someone else or by the wind. And you are not buried underneath it all. At a distance you look at those objects, analyse them and maybe set some aside for later use. You can carry them to a friend who’s good at looking at Rage Rubble, or maybe someone is already there with you sorting through the stuff. What do you see there? What can you learn from it? Are there things that you agree with when you are not angry? And things that you’d normally reject? Are there objects that just keep coming back and maybe don’t even seem related to the situation? Look at them closely, because they will tell you so much about what’s going on underneath it all.

 

I always thought that anger is something negative. Something that should be avoided by all means. So I used to bottle it up and never let it out. I was convinced that I am someone who is rather laid back and doesn’t easily get angry, but when I finally realised that I was indeed angry, a huge pile had built up inside and I reacted in ways that were not useful. It was very hard to calm down then. I was scared of the destructiveness of my anger. It felt wrong and I didn’t want to hurt people. In the end the one that got hurt in the process was my body. I learned my lesson and I am still learning it. Anger is a life force and can be very useful if under control. Well directed anger can help you set limits, protect your loved ones and give you the little (or big) push you need in order to get moving. It can be a teacher if you are willing to be the student and observe. It is a beautiful thing to learn. You are the one who’s reacting. This is your Rage Rubble. Your mind and body produced it and you have the choice of how to deal with it. You can allow your automatic responses to take over or you can decide to be in charge more actively and use the energy to transform it into something useful.

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Words, actions or situations will always trigger you and they certainly are the cause of your anger, but they are never responsible for it. You are.

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So how do you deal with anger? Are you in control or let the crazy anger chemicals take over?

What do you do when you are angry and is there anything you’d like to do differently?

How do you treat others when you are angry?

How do you treat yourself?

 

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Think about it.

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Take care!

 

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