The admiration mirror

(5 min read)

 

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"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

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This quote has been accompanying me since my childhood. The famous author of The Little Prince has spoken volumes in just a few words. And these words can be the starting point of many stories about human life and nature. Let me take you with me on a journey into the world of talents and purposes and how to find yours. It's a story about admiration mirrors. An admiration mirror is a tiny creature that lives inside each human being. It always makes its home right inside the heart from where it looks out into the world, you could say, from the heart's perspective. Did you know that you had such a precious little thing living in your chest? Listen carefully, while I tell you about it.

 

The little admiration mirror is sitting happily in its spot inside the heart and observes the world. It is a double-sided mirror; one side is looking out into the external world and the other one is having an eye on what's stored inside the heart. Day in and day out it looks and observes and looks and observes... Until one of those special moments arrive, when both sides show the same image. This is always very exciting, as it means that it has detected yet another match between the outside and the inside world. The heart carries many treasures and it's the admiration mirror's job to find them. You can imagine it like an integrated Tinder that, instead of finding you a potential partner, is looking for hidden talents and a purpose for your life. Whenever there is a match, the admiration mirror will start dancing and vibrating, signalling to the heart to focus and take a look at what has been found. The heart then takes the image and sends a message to the brain and asks for cooperation. It knows that most things in life can only be achieved when heart and brain work in unison.

 

There are two main reactions of the brain to such a request. If over time heart and brain have established a solid and coherent communication, the brain will simply pick up the energy of excitement and start using all its resources in order to work towards a solid and feasible plan. It's a lot of fun to observe how the brain sometimes has to keep the heart on the ground when it becomes so excited that it starts rushing off in a thousand directions at the same time, and how this excitement is so contagious that perhaps the brain can be a bit more relaxed and positive. A good balance is the key, I guess.

 

Many of us, however, go through life with a brain that has been put under a spell by the little Monster of Criticism. It's sitting right inside our brain and constantly repeating to us why something is not going to work for us, why we are not good at this or that, or why we will definitely fail etc. It has an incredible memory and remembers anything discouraging anyone has ever said about us. How often have you had the following inner dialogue in one way or another: "Gosh, how I wish I could do that too." And then a tiny voice inside our head responds: "Boo ya, but you can't. And I will tell you exactly why. Just give me an hour and you'll be convinced. I promise." It's the Monster of Criticism that messes with the brain and therefore the heart receives rather discouraging responses, that are like a bucket of water on the campfire of excitement. It saddens the heart and it puts whatever had been the cause for the excitement into a deeper corner of its treasure room.

 

The good news is, that you can learn to silence the monster. It is a product of our own thoughts, even if sometimes it seems to be telling universal truths. So I will let you in on a secret: The critical monster doesn't like to be observed and talked about. It makes it feel really uncomfortable and it will prefer to shut up and hide. I promise. It will come out many times for sure, but one good long stare will soon drive it back into its cave. I encourage you to practise that. And once you have restored a healthy communication between the heart and the brain with no monster interferences, you'll be in for a big surprise. Whenever you see something in someone that makes your admiration mirror sing, your heart will let you know and you'll be prepared to listen. Maybe you want to start writing those messages down and make one of those famous lists, that you can go back to when you have a quiet moment. You are not the other person so to make it work you’ll have to find your very own way to doing anything that’s on your list. Start with small steps and see how it feels and feel free to adapt everything to your personal style and preferences.

 

Observe how your critical monster reacts to this new habit and listen carefully to what it has to say. In some way, even the monster is a teacher and we do well to listen to our teachers. Who do you admire (or even positively envy) and what for? Who have you admired in your past and what for? Family, friends, work relations, celebrities, historical figures, anyone really... I invite you to take these questions and stick them somewhere into the back of your mind while you go about your life. You will be surprised of what you find. When I was 9 years old, I admired a class mate for his ability to write stories. The teacher would give us a sentence or two to start with and we had to invent the rest. I remember that he always managed to produce 4 or 5 pages of long and really creative stories. It must have impressed me very much. And then I spent 25 years believing that I am not capable of writing, not even a diary. I had even convinced myself that becoming a translator was great, because I do love languages but as a translator you don't have to actually write the original text. And here I am, after all those years, writing one essay or story after another and absolutely loving it.

 

I hope this essay inspires you and I wish you many beautiful surprises on this journey. May the little admiration mirror in you dance all the right dances, and may you find all your hidden talents and your very own purpose in life.

 

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