Brain food and soul blankets

(5 min read)

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“People don’t want to be talked out of their feelings. People want to be heard, seen, felt and understood.”

Rachel Samson

 

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Our brains are divided into two: the left brain vs. the right brain, the logical brain vs. the creative brain, the rational brain vs. the emotional brain etc. Depending on the situation one side is more stimulated than the other. I also find that depending on how we grow up, we use one side more than the other. On top of that we can divide us human beings into thinkers and feelers. A thinker would be someone who’s natural way to deal with life would be by using the rational part of the brain more than the emotional brain, for example when it comes to making decisions, explaining their experiences and dealing with every day situations. Feelers are more likely to use the emotional brain and base all their decision making and dealing with life on how they feel about something instead of what would be logic or rational. We all have both sides in us and need to find our very personal balance between the two and use them in a way that is authentic and healthy for us as individuals. There is no right or wrong here.

 

What I find really important, is to be aware of this duality. Awareness gives us the power to choose when to use which. There are situations in which we can decide to either act from the rational brain or from the emotional brain or in which we can stimulate one or the other in others. Join me on a journey into the world of brain food and soul blankets.

 

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Brain food

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Imagine our rational brains as little digestive systems for data. Whatever enters this brain is being processed and then released into the body. Just as the real digestive system in our bodies this one relies on certain parameters in order to function well. All depends on the timing, the quality and quantity of the brain food that is entering the system. What does brain food mean?

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Intellectual stimulation, problem solving, solution-oriented approaches, discussing facts and opinions would all classify as brain food. Anything that activates the left side of the brain and has to do with logic and rational thinking, or maybe even anything that has to do with active thinking in general.

Examples of brain food would be watching a TED talk, reading my stories and analysing how they apply to you, discussing politics or science, weighing the pros and cons with someone before making a decision, and many more…

 

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Soul blankets

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Imagine being wrapped up in a cuddly, warm and fluffy blanket on a day that you don’t feel good. Doesn’t that image immediately make you feel better and maybe even smile a little bit? It definitely does that for me. I love my blankets, especially when it’s cold outside.

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Now imagine a conversation in which you feel safe enough to express exactly how you feel about a situation, a memory or a person. A conversation in which your partner (I’m not necessarily talking about a romantic partner here) is mirroring you and you feel seen, heard, accepted and maybe even understood. When we mirror someone, it doesn’t mean that we let ourselves be flooded by the same emotions that the other person is feeling in that moment. It means that we listen to and look at what is there and acknowledge our partner’s feelings and emotions and ask questions if anything is unclear or if we are missing context. Like a good mirror that shows us what we look like physically, the act of mirroring shows us that what we feel and what is ailing us is being seen and acknowledged. This is what I call a soul blanket conversation.

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By holding space for the other and creating the mirroring, we are wrapping them into a warm soul blanket, helping them to feel safe and, most importantly, accepted just as they are right in that moment. In a soul blanket conversation, there is no room for intellectual challenge, for fixing or finding solutions or for personal opinions. Just pure loving kindness and space for whatever is there. Doesn’t that sound like something you would like when you feel strong emotions of any kind? 

 

If you are not sure on what to say in order to create a soul blanket for others, here are some suggestions:

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I hear you.

I feel you.

I understand you.

I understand your [any emotion].

It’s normal to feel [emotion] in this situation.

I’m listening.

Your story is safe with me.

...   [nothing… silence can be really healing too]

 

 

Brain food or soul blanket, that is the question:

 

Imagine you are in dire need of a soul blanket, but you are offered brain food instead. Your rational brain’s little digestive system is already upset and not working so well, because of all the emotions flooding through everything, and now it’s being asked to process the brain food that’s coming in, too. Not the ideal situation to be honest.  

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Your brain has three options to deal with this food:

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1)    It can spit it back out in form of strong reactions like anger or frustration, or by rejecting categorically what is being said without even thinking about it.

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2)   It can release it out the other way into the body in form of anxiety, restlessness, irritability or any other stress reaction.

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3)   It can keep it inside and supress any other reaction and deal with it later on when the emotions have subsided and there is more peace of mind to deal with it.

 

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The healthiest way to deal with this situation is to communicate up front whether we need a soul blanket or we actually crave some brain food. Only then can we avoid any of the reactions listed above. Also check in with the one who is sharing their story before offering them brain food even if you think it could be of value. No one likes being forced to eat when their stomach is already full or aching.

 

In order to provide soul blankets, we need to be willing to hold space and accept any kind of emotions. I understand that this can be really difficult, because it means to be vulnerable to our own stories and emotions that we may not want to see or touch. Often, we react with logic and try to rationalise feelings away in order to not be confronted with the messy chaos that emotions can represent. Also, I believe and observe that in our society, brain food still enjoys a much higher status than soul blankets.

 

Imagine a world in which anyone is capable of providing soul blankets and everyone is able to enjoy a cuddly warm soul blanket whenever they need one. It would be a happier and healthier place.

 

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Feel the magic of long and deep soul blanket conversations.

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Taste the spicy yumminess of brain food conversations that energise you.

 

Both are amazing when the timing is right.